All By Myself

I was in a gym all by myself today. I know it may be not a big deal for somebody, but for me certainly is. Hanging out in public places alone was never fine with me. I refuse to eat, drink or wait in public by myself, and honestly, I don´t know why.
Imagine an intellectual heroine, probably a French girl in a black turtleneck, black glasses and heavy book in hand. She is sitting alone in a caffee and she is occupied by the book, she don´t care about the world, but the world is amazed by her grace, intelect and beauty. This French girl has a pen and paper in front of her and sometimes she scribbles her brilliant ideas. People admire her courage and smart mind.
And I admire her too. I have this image stuck in my head every time a situation like this is about to happen. But I could never pretend I am this imaginary girl. I simply don´t have nerve to go and order a lunch just for me, or drink, or peace of cake. I need to say it is not an obsession or phobia. Once I desperately wanted to eat chinese so I went and ate in an empty Chinese restaurant. Once I had to wait for my books in the library to come for two hours, so I spent them in the nearest Coffee & Co. branch with a carrot cake and sweet coffee. And today I was sweating in a gym. None of this experiences were scary or mortifying. It just don´t feel right with me.
The image of the smart French girl is still on my mind. But I think I will have to visit A LOT of public places by myself to come closer to her...